Living Free
Well, here I am, on the brink of a brand new life it seems. I don't write about "work" here very much because I always want to keep these journal things very personal. But, this time, I want to include my work into the "personal" pile as it were.
love jann
I have been working with BRUCE ALLEN TALENT most of this past year and it has changed my entire focus, my entire attitude. I don't know if I even know how to explain it. Bruce has brought such a sense of "importance" to the things that I do and DON'T do. He has rolled into my life with this immense energy for who I am and what I do and believe me, I am so GRATEFUL! He has an office full of incredible people who are music junkies and it rubs off into everything I do.
The hands on approach is something that I have never experienced. I feel cared for, thought of, considered and accounted for all the time these days. Not something I am used to. As far as my music goes, its become personal again. Its become important. I think artists find themselves just going through the motions sometimes and you don't even realize it. Don't get me wrong, I have always LOVED the music that I have made. The records I did with Russ Broom - I am so proud of and I hope that he is too. But it's just subtle changes that seem to happen. I found myself stuck in a place that I didn't want to be in and it wasn't the fault of anyone. It was just me wanting to break out of my own mind and body.
It's hard to articulate. All I know is, that when you make changes, people get hurt and that is a terrible thing. I never ever want to hurt anybody. But, I know that I have.
Lately it has come to light that the people that have been hurt by me, so it seems, have surfaced to make themselves heard. Be it by weird emails or sketches of me they've put on sale on Craig's List. I hear them loud and clear. I always find it amazing how some of us can cling to pain, cling to hurt, cling to anger. That has never ever been part of who I am. If anything, even when I have been hurt in life, I tend to side with indifference. That place where one goes where nothing really seems to bother you. I have never stayed mad at anyone in my life. Ever. You know, we all get hurt by other people, we all feel like we've been tossed aside or left or abandoned. We are human and we get thrown around, can't be helped. So what???
It's hard to articulate. All I know is, that when you make changes, people get hurt and that is a terrible thing. I never ever want to hurt anybody. But, I know that I have.
Lately it has come to light that the people that have been hurt by me, so it seems, have surfaced to make themselves heard. Be it by weird emails or sketches of me they've put on sale on Craig's List. I hear them loud and clear. I always find it amazing how some of us can cling to pain, cling to hurt, cling to anger. That has never ever been part of who I am. If anything, even when I have been hurt in life, I tend to side with indifference. That place where one goes where nothing really seems to bother you. I have never stayed mad at anyone in my life. Ever. You know, we all get hurt by other people, we all feel like we've been tossed aside or left or abandoned. We are human and we get thrown around, can't be helped. So what???
We get left by someone or we leave someone. No one ever has the easy end of things...they are both horrible.
Vengeance is a horrid thing. It serves no purpose. People that hang onto that and wish for that, are truly hurting no one but themselves. My experience with vengeance is not at all teaming with experience, in fact, I have my jaw dropping saying to myself, "What the hell are they thinking"? To wish pain on others, only throws it upon yourself. I so don't understand any of it...I don't. Life is so short. Hatred stored in ones heart, will get torn it into pieces not even the devil can pick up.
But here I am, on the brink of so much newness, where I really realize that life and time is so so so fleeting and that you have to strive for happiness. Yes, I have broken off relationships over the past 20ty years where people including myself have been devastated, but I have gone on to forgive and and embrace and rejoice and include and embody and and and and...
I am so looking forward to my new record. It is so full of love and newness and excitement on my part. I feel like a kid again....
Vengeance is a horrid thing. It serves no purpose. People that hang onto that and wish for that, are truly hurting no one but themselves. My experience with vengeance is not at all teaming with experience, in fact, I have my jaw dropping saying to myself, "What the hell are they thinking"? To wish pain on others, only throws it upon yourself. I so don't understand any of it...I don't. Life is so short. Hatred stored in ones heart, will get torn it into pieces not even the devil can pick up.
But here I am, on the brink of so much newness, where I really realize that life and time is so so so fleeting and that you have to strive for happiness. Yes, I have broken off relationships over the past 20ty years where people including myself have been devastated, but I have gone on to forgive and and embrace and rejoice and include and embody and and and and...
I am so looking forward to my new record. It is so full of love and newness and excitement on my part. I feel like a kid again....
Here's to FREE and the 29th of Sept.
I hope you find yourself inside the songs. That's all I can hope for.
love jann
Posted by Jann
